pancakes

published in the 2018 issue of nuances literary magazine 

And in the morning
I rose like nothing happened
Made him blueberry pancakes
The color of my bruises
And got nervous that he woudn't like them

The night before he whispered to me
So beautiful
And when I told him no he said,
Of course yes.
When I asked him why he said,
You’re just so inviting.
So in the morning, I made him breakfast

I made him breakfast because if I can make pancakes without burning them
And pour the coffee without spilling it
I can pretend this never happened
I am just a girl making a boy breakfast

I tell people I don't like pancakes
I cut my hair short
I am confident and poised and self-motivated
Girls like me fight
Except for when they don't

I would make a lousy character
A bad victim
I did not bite or scratch or struggle
I made myself forget and moved on

Eventually
Years later
I eat pancakes again